I rushed out of work Wednesday to be home before dusk. I love Halloween. I didn't want to miss a single witch, princess or bumble bee. Walking home from the skytrain, I admired the haunted yards and spooky jack-o-lanterns in my 'hood.
When I got home I kissed B hello, then got ORGANISED for trick or treat night. I lit the candles in the pumpkins and put the treats in a big bowl. There seemed to be a lot less than the number I bought. I made a note to cross examine B and my son on the disappearing chocolate bars. As I hurried to the storage room to grab the laughing skeleton, I vaguely heard B say, "I ordered in Thai food for dinner."
The first adorable little bunnies and lions in their daddies' arms came by. Then a couple of preschooler Ninja Turtles (they're still around?). Every time kids rang the door bell, Henry ran to the door wagging his tail. KIDS ARE HERE!! Then he watched forlornly as they walked down the steps instead of coming in to play.
The door bell rang again. B called out "I'll get it this time". I heard two girls' voices sing out "Trick or Treat". Then, silence. I looked toward B and he was frozen, staring at the trick-or-treaters, not reaching for the candy bowl or asking the kids to shake the hand of the hanging skeleton, our usual schtick. I came up to the door and saw why B was paralysed. On the porch were two pubescent girls dressed as cops. Not real cops, pole dancing cops. Short skirts, red lips, tight barely buttoned shirts, aviator-style sun glasses tucked into high young cleavage, shiny black boots. B was speechless.
The next time the door bell rang I answered it, since the blood was barely returning to B's brain. I opened the door to a lone Asian young man, holding a bag. He was dressed in a white jacket and white pants, but I couldn't figure out what his costume was. "He's a bit old for trick-or-treating" I thought. But, whatever.
(Y'all know where this is going, don't you?)
"What are you dressed up as?" I asked. He looked at me blankly, and just held out the bag. I offered him the bowl of treats.
"I have Thai Palace delivery."
B, who had recovered now, was peeing his pants laughing.
Oh please earth, just open up and swallow me now.
22 comments:
Thanks for the laugh voyager. The photos are great. People are definitely going in for more decoration now. But some of it is very scary for little kids. What's with all these teenagers going out trick or treating?
jmb, There are definitely more older kids trick or treating now than when I was a teen. We were way too cool, instead we smoked cigarettes and let off firecrackers in the park. And drank cheap wine. O.K., better they are trick or treating, even if B does have serious heart palpitations as a result.
V.
That's a great Halloween post. Too funny. My problem was too many trick or treaters. They were all young in proper costumes but they kept coming. I had a ton of candy but had to turn off my porch lights early as I got well over a 100 children. I didn't get any sexy cops or deliveries. That really was hysterical.
Damn, I didn't get pole-dancing pubescent cops, just the usual baby hookers.
Whatever happened to pirates, cowboys and gypsies? Do these people have parents?
Yeah, I was like you, we smoked, drank crappy wine and let off fireworks, not to mention soaping windows. We were the 'wonder generation', were we not?
Pictures of Vancouver in October with greenery and colour make me crazy. Here we are (in Ottawa) all bleak with nasty winter around the corner and you all look like it's still spring.
At least the delivery guy wasn't sporting "high young cleavage."
Carver, I would love to have 100 kids on Halloween. We got about 40. Can I move to your neighbourhood?
Ian, We were some generation for sure! I'm amazed so many of us survived teenagehood.
urban pedestrian, I was in Ottawa last week and it was lovely. Indian summer. Vancouver is green all winter, true. But only because it starts to rain in October and pretty much does not stop until April or May.
Ninja, There are parts of Vancouver where the delivery guy could well have high young cleavage. Diversity is us.
V.
I'm such a party pooper. Halloween is not my thing, remnants of my fathers annoyance I suspect. I'm on a busy road and got fifteen kids tops. Done and overwith early, with left over candy.
Ruth, Left over candy, that's the silver lining, even if Halloween doesn't do it for you.
V.
I love that you mistook the Thai delivery guy for a trick or treater. Some years we get quite a few teenagers w/o costumes trick or treating, so I can see how you made that mistake. Did you end up giving him an extra big tip to make up for your embarrassment?
That's beautiful!
(Now the pole-dancing cops, that's another story.)
I hope the delivery guy took some candy.
Love the photos.
Halloween was a lot quieter and subdued over here although Princess Perfect enjoyed preparing food and decorating the house.
Great photos!
Not a fan of Halloween myself ... but had to laugh at the delivery man episode!
Rozanne and Diana, I don't know how big the tip was, or whether the delivery guy took some candy. I slunk away and let B take care of paying.
Dumdad, I did not know anyone did trick or treat rounds in France.
Riseoutof me, Do you celebtate Guy Fawkes day like the British?
V.
Great story! Great pictures!
OK, much as I can take or leave Halloween, I LOVE that story...
Um.... where was B's blood if not in his brain???
Mike, thank you!
Jazz, the blood had all gone to the place I call "command central".
V.
Oh. My. God. I nearly peed myself, I'm laughing so hard.
And, man! What I wouldn't give for a good Thai place that was near enough to deliver.... I've gotta go way out of my way to get Thai. Sigh.
coffee drinking woman, I too would go way out of my way for Thai food. Lucklily we have a great one close by. Thom yum soup to die for!
V.
I say it was nice of you to offer the guy candy.
So funny!
Oops.
You know, anyone whose nose wasn't working could have made the same mistake.
Too funny!!
I hide the Halloween candy until it's time because otherwise it disappears. Flip has his preferences, but can apparently make do with anything.
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