Wednesday, September 26, 2007

You drive me crazy

The scene: B and I are on vacation in Nova Scotia, on the last and longest day of a road trip around the Cabot Trail and then off of Cape Breton Island. I am behind the wheel of our rental car we have nicknamed the Gangsta-car. (For the record, we ordered a compact, this is what they gave us.)

B: "There's an on-ramp ahead, better move over to the left."

Me: "Yah, O.K."

B: "It's clear on the left, you can switch lanes now."

Me: "I can see that, thank you."

B: "Are we going to get off at the next exit for gas?"

Me: "Yes, that's what I said I was going to do two minutes ago."

[A few kilometres later:]

B: "There's a gas station, on the left. You can go in there."

Me: "I see it."

B: " There's no left turn lane, you'll have to wait at the light now."

Me: "I'm aware of that."

B: "Wait, wait, not yet... O.K., all clear, you can turn in now. Bay two is empty, pull in there."

Me: "SWEET MOTHER OF GOD!!! Please stop the CONSTANT FREAKIN' NARRATIVE about my driving. I've been driving for 34 years without a single accident. When I got my licence you were still getting dinky toys for Christmas. Relax, enjoy the scenery."

B: "Sorry, I was trying to be helpful."

Me: "Well you're helping me go insane."

For the next 50 kilometres or so B silently studies the map and the road signs.

Me: "I'm getting tired, do you want to drive for a while?"

We pull over and change places. A few minutes later:

Me: "You're going too fast for this curvy road. And we are too close to that truck ahead."

B gives me a quick icy stare.

Me: "Sorry, I'll keep quiet."

B and I are incredibly compatible. Soulmates. But, Oh. My. God. we do not drive together well. We both know we drive better than the other. In fact, better than most anybody else on the road.

In between nattering at each other, we did catch glimpses of the scenery. Which ranged from the sublime:

To the ridiculous:


jmb said...

I don't think compact cars exist in North America. They have the category but if you order one you always get a larger car.

My husband does that too and I mainly drive when we are together. It drives me insane because I don't do it to him. If we go from A to B in Vancouver we both have different ideas about which route is better.

I noticed my son-in-law doing it to me too recently (he's Italian so thinks he's the best driver ever) but I called him on it so he stopped. I think he thought he was being helpful since I was in his territory but I've been driving since before he was born so can manage thank you.
Nice pics voyager, well some.

Ian Lidster said...

I think, dear, I'll leave 'Lick-a-Chick' entirely devoid of comment, if you don't mind. Or devise in your own mind whatever comment I might have made. You'd possibly be right.
Ah, vacation driving. Do you ever watch Keeping Up Appearances"? "Ian, watch out for the cyclist." "Thank you, Mrs. Bouquet."
I just loved this, my auburn-tressed and witty friend. You do scenarios so accurately.

Dumdad said...

My wife and I usually take turns to drive on long-distance hauls (going to the UK, for example).

When I'm the non-driver it is best that I sleep otherwise I start doing what you two did. ("Don't you think you're too close to that truck," "Turn here, here, here, too late" etc).

Lick-a-Chick! I imagine the person who thought that up was very pleased with himself (it had to be a "he", right?)

Voyager said...

jmb, I do think it's more of a guy thing. I'm bad as a passenger, but my husband, OMG. Bless his heart.

Ian, I'm not quite Hyacinth. Yet. And yes, I can imagine your comment on the restaurant sign!

Dumdad, at least you can sleep. When I'm driving B sits rigid, every nerve at attention. For hours.


Jim Thomsen said...

I can't wait to get married just so I can bicker like a real adult.

Alda said...

Lick-a-chick?? I wonder what sort of clientele they get in there!

I tend to be the backseat driver in my relationship, but that's only because I'm a much better driver than EPI and he needs me to instruct him. Honest.

Anonymous said...

LickaChick. What a weird name. But I guess it works for them.

Voyager said...

Ninja, Yes, there's nothing like a good bicker fest. Foreplay for the married.

Alda, I understand completely.

Rhea, Glad you dropped in. Maybe the restaurant owner is smarter than we think: The name guarantees lots of free advertising.


riseoutofme said...

Lick-a-Chick? Lick-a-Chick?

The hellfire and brimstone brigade in this country would have had them thrown out years ago ....

As for the driving ....EVERYONE knows that women are better drivers than men .... except the men, of course.

actonbell said...

Gorgeous coast picture! I've never been to Nova Scotia, but am determined to get north in the future.
That Lick a Chick sign is too good! LOL

Thanks for visiting:)

Voyager said...

riseoutofme, Men think they are better at most things. I kind of like them though.

Actonbel, The scenery on the Cabot Trail was spectacular. Even the sign, in a weirdly silly way.


Big Brother said...

My wife and I have driven all over the place, even in the UK where they drive on the other side of the road and we've come to a modus operandi. She drives and I navigate, the reason being that she gets really car sick if she has to read something instead of looking outside. So I try to follow the various roundabouts and roads on the map and she concentrates on driving and not being sick in the car.

Gretchen said...

That's funny! Hubby and I are the exact same way when we're driving. I would rather let him drive any time. It's easier on my nerves. I can just open a book and get lost in it. :)

Voyager said...

Big brother, And do you refrain from commenting on Mrs. BB's driving?

Gretchen, We would both much rather drive than be driven. If it were not so environmentally irresponsible, I would rent two cars.


heartinsanfrancisco said...

We generally do pretty well on long trips involving freeways, but in city traffic, Flip's comments (and inhalations) drive me full-bore bat guano.

I, too, have been driving since he was playing with matchbox cars, and I am not the one who lopped off the mirror on the passenger side or ran over the daglo orange road cone at highway speed, wreaking considerable damage on the undercarriage, I might add.

Jocelyn said...

I'm going to stay silent about the Lick-a-Chick, even though it's a place I really like to visit.

Love the dialogue between you two know-it-alls!

Big Brother said...

Yes I've learned... the driver is the only boss after god. But the other side of the coin is that she can't complain about my navigation skills. I'll also admit that she's probably a better driver than I am, at least in the UK since she is left handed.

Diana said...

Beautiful! Charles and I are quite compatible while driving together as long as he drives and I keep my trap shut.

Ruth L.~ said...

This sounds sooooo familiar. :>)

Voyager said...

Heart, B and I have a similar record. Since we met about 6 years ago, he has had two speeding tickets (that I know about), and two fender benders. I have not had a speeding ticket in over 15 years, and only one fender bender ever. But B still really believes he is a better driver. The male ego always trumps common sense.

Jocelyn, I don't think I ever want to eat in Lick-A-Chick, but I would go in to buy a t-shirt if they sell them. Why didn't I think of that when we were there?

Bigbrother, You had me swooning when you admitted Mrs. BB was probably a better driver. Then I read the qualification.

Diana and Ruth, Someone should invent a cone of silence over the passenger seat.


Rozanne said...

Lick a Chick sounds like a front for a very different kind of establishment.

B and I are not at our best in a car either if we are driving around an unfamiliar city.

I think the lesson there is to spend more time hiking. I'm sure you're up for that!

Ian Lidster said...

Just for being the person you are, you got an award. Drop by my blog and see what it is.

CS said...

That's funny - it seems like every couple has those areas.

(Beautiful scenery, but Lick a Chick is simply disgusting!)

Angela said...

Beautiful! And the pictures are lovely, too. I'm so glad that I'm not the only person who has conversations like these. The ex and I never bickered. But I don't miss him. ;) Give me soul-mate material anytime.

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