Sunday, February 08, 2009
I love menopause: the top five reasons
1. Several times a day I get to go on sizzling tropical vacations. For free!
2. My heating bills are way down.
3. By January 2 I had forgotten what my new years resolutions were. In fact, I forget if I even made any.
4. Getting dressed in the morning is like a fun trip to the casino. Do I bet on my skinny pants because I sweated off 7 kilos of water weight in the night? Or will it be one of those mornings when I'm bloated up like the Hindenburg, and only my husband's trousers will fit me?
5. I've no need to spend big bucks at the spa. I get steam baths many times every night.
6. There is exciting new mystery in my marriage. The mystery is, my husband never knows from one minute to the next whether I will be a weeping mess or a screaming shrew. One thing he can depend on, I will not be the boring, joyful, even tempered woman he first met.
O.K., I realize I have now listed six reasons, not five. I should go back into the title of this post and change the number, in the interests of accuracy. Normally I would. But here's the seventh reason I love menopause: I don't give a shit about accuracy or much of anything else. I am a hot, cranky, depressed, brain-deranged harridan. I celebrate this bitch!
(What else can I do?)
So, my lovely internet friends, leave a comment. I dare you.